Reasons to Stay Alive: Matt Haig Quotes About Mental Health

Reasons to Stay Alive by Matt Haig should be made mandatory reading. When I was going through a rough time with depression and anxiety, a friend pressed this book into my hands and said, “I think you should read this.” That copy was quickly filled with underlined quotes and margin notes because as I read, I related to every word.

And since then, I’ve bought and pressed copies of Reasons to Stay Alive into the hands of loved ones who are having a tough time, or know someone going through a tough time.

I originally wrote this blog around 18 months ago, but it disappeared into the Internet void with a load of other blog stuff during a 2018 tech debacle (it’s not a fun story). Now, with everything going on in the world, Matt Haig’s words are more relevant than ever and I’ve decided to re-write and re-share this collection of 25 Reasons to Stay Alive quotes for those who may benefit from reading them.

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Reasons to Stay Alive Quotes About Mental Illness as Sickness

Because it is a sickness. One of the biggest revelations I had in my mental health treatment was acknowledgement by my doctor: a prescription, an assessment for therapy, a treatment plan, a follow-up appointment. Just like any other illness or injury. And if I was ill, then I could get better.

Depression is a toxic narrative we tell ourselves and treat as if it’s truth. That we’re not good enough, no one cares and there’s no point in trying. It’s a difficult narrative to break if you’ve been telling yourself the same story for so long. It can be difficult to see that it’s only a narrative.

Depression and anxiety tell me something bad will happen, or is already happening, even if evidence points to the contrary (I’m looking at you, fear of flying). In a world that implores us to trust our gut instincts, it can be hard to separate valid feelings from anxious thoughts when they both insist they’re right.

One of the best tools I use to manage negative thoughts is to put them on trial; weigh up the evidence for and against (it helps to draw a table and fill it in), then come to an informed conclusion.

This is a Reasons to Stay Alive quote I particularly relate to because it can be hard explaining invisible pain to someone who has not experienced it. Or the idea that depression and anxiety is pain even though the pain cannot be seen.

As this quote says, when the pain is isolated to the mind rather than manifested in the body, the capacity for that pain is limitless and inescapable. How can you escape from your mind when the mind is infinite? How can you take a break from your pain if you can’t leave your mind?

YES! Come through, Matt Haig! Having depression did not mean I was sad 24/7. Like every illness or injury, and like every journey through recovery, there were (and are still) good and bad days, as well as good and bad moments.

Maybe I smiled and laughed less during my darkest days, but I was still capable of cracking a joke. Keeping my sense of humour, even in the face of depression, was a big help in keeping going.

There’s plenty of stigma surrounding mental health as it is, but this is the most uncomfortable to talk about and the most important to debunk: depression kills. Yet, we never say, “They died of depression,” like we would, “They died of cancer,” or, “They died of a gun shot wound.” Depression a fatal disease and the statistics show just how deadly. So, why don’t we take mental health more seriously?

I’ve learned throughout my experience with depression and anxiety that I don’t have to open up to someone if it’s uncomfortable for me. As well, there are different levels of detail I can trust with different people. Other than that, I’m pretty open, (I mean, this post and the Kraken post kind of gives that away).

I got sick, then very sick, then better, then a lot better and now I have the knowledge and the tools to maintain that wellness. Where’s the shame in that?

You know what, depression is interesting because the brain is a fascinatingly unknowable place. I wouldn’t wish firsthand knowledge of depression and anxiety on anyone, but I will say that my time with these two troublemakers really made me ruminate on the mind and how it works.

There were definitely times when I pondered this (and sometimes, still do), in a very Girl, Interrupted sort of way. Depression was viewing the world through blue-tinted glasses, but it was also an insight into the craziness of life; a recognition of all the injustice in the world, the struggle and our obsession with the trivial. In a world with so much to despair about, is depression really so crazy?

There’s a lot more awareness now about the importance of mental health, but there’s still an imbalance and misunderstanding about mental health in comparison to physical health.

Like physical health, mental health requires a balanced routine, good nutrition, exercise and good practices. We all have sore spots or old injuries that flare up every now and again – the same is true of mental health.

To echo what I said above, the revelation that I was sick and therefore could get better was truly my first step in recovery. The memory of wellness, though it seems far off to get back there, lets you know that it’s at the very least within your reach.

Reasons to Stay Alive Quotes About Getting Better

That last quote brings us nicely onto some of my favorite Reasons to Stay Alive quotes about recovery and treatment. These include insights, ideas for exercises that benefit mental health and tools for challenging negative thoughts and feelings.

This quote reminds me that while I’m in a negative mindset, my thoughts are telling me things with only that negative perspective in mind. When I feel myself start to spiral into self-loathing or self-pity, I tell myself to wait. When I’m next in a more positive mindset, will those thoughts still ring true? The answer is always no.

When Matt Haig talks about this, he’s referring to taking a trip to Paris when the idea fills him with anxiety. Though the trip scares him and fills him with dread, it fights the other monster, his anxiety.

This is a technique that I found helped with my fear of flying; going on roller-coasters or cliff jumping would scare me, but fill me with adrenaline and make me feel so good after. Then, when I next got anxious on a plane, I would remind myself that the turbulence was no different than that fun adrenaline rush.

Travel is something that really helped when I was low. Discovering new places was a great distraction, while travel kept me moving and motivated, and new experiences rooted me firmly in the present – especially those concerned with art or the natural world.

However, I should put a disclaimer in here that self-medicating with travel is not the same as getting therapy. This was something I learned the hard way. Though my first doctor told me I was “just a little bit sad,” and “probably just needed a holiday,” the distraction of travel could only carry me so far before I realised that wherever you go, you take your problems with you.

This is a quote that I interpret to mean that there are things in life that we are told are good for us and we must strive to attain. A high-flying career, marriage, kids, property, money, slimming down, owning a business… these are all things on the board that you can pursue, but they’re not all for everyone.

And in fact, some of those “ladders” can be snakes in disguise, putting the pressure on to achieve, achieve, achieve! Then criticizing us when things don’t go to plan and that snake slides us back to square one. Everyone plays the board differently and there are always elements of chance. Just keep your eye out for snake fangs before you take a step. Do what’s best for you.

This was a hurdle I struggled to get over because I love to think deeply, explore my imagination and feed my brain… but thoughts are just thoughts. Feelings are just feelings. You are not your thoughts and feelings. Although I understand this better now, at the time this made me panic – I didn’t want to let go of my thoughts and feelings because if I’m not those, then who the hell am I?

If you have time, I implore you to learn about what Eckhart Tolle has to say about this. (I first came across him via Oprah’s SuperSoul Conversations podcast, which is another amazing resource for understanding more about mind.)

Tolle was on the brink of suicide when he thought, “I can’t live with myself anymore.” Reflecting, he wondered what that even meant – why were there two subjects in that sentence? Who is the “I” and who is the “myself”?

Another way to think about this is to imagine the “voice” in your head, especially if that voice tells you non-factual, negative things about yourself. You could even give that voice a name (let’s call her Barbara, no offence to anyone named Barbara).

Now, envision a presence or person sitting silently behind Barbara, just quietly observing. There you are. By all means, listen to Barb, but don’t take her word as gold and stop listening if she has nothing good to say.

Reasons to Stay Alive Quotes About Writing & Reading

As an author, Haig also draws links between mental wellness, reading and writing. These definitely speak to me as a reader and writer, and both disciplines are great tools for managing depression and anxiety.

There were times when I couldn’t articulate what I was feeling or why, but tears would fall. They helped me express my pain when words couldn’t; they helped release stress when it built up inside. Crying is cathartic and I don’t know why we all constantly tell each other to stop as if it’s bad and not a natural human response.

Reading was also something I found very useful during my time with depression and anxiety, especially reading fiction. As noted above, depression and anxiety are diseases of thoughts and therefore, diseases of imagination – inventing negative scenarios and reinforcing negative stories we tell ourselves about ourselves. Reading fiction overrides these narratives and channels our imagination elsewhere.

I’m stealing this from a previous Instagram post I wrote about Yann Martel’s Beatrice & Virgil, but I can’t think of a better way to explain how I feel about this quote:

I love a book that makes me think. It made me think about books, which are time capsules and messages in bottles and orbiting satellites and love letters and therapists and treasure maps and old friends… and so much more. That I could write something about how I feel and someone – a million miles away – could read it and think how they feel the same thing too. That two people who will never meet can be so deeply connected by 26 letters arranged in a particular way on a pile of thinly cut wood slices. I honestly believe that language is the greatest invention and that books are the ultimate symbol of the human experience.

Basically the premise of this blog and also, the theme of my life.

I think this quote speaks for itself, but I just wanted to add that Haig is also a novelist. One of his books, The Midnight Library, works around the concept is that a library exists between life and death, and every book in the library is a version of your life that you could have lived. It’s definitely worth a read.

If I could eat this book, I would. Yum, yum, delicious word food.

Reasons to Stay Alive Quotes About Hope

As you may expect from the title, Reasons to Stay Alive, there’s a lot of focus on hope. Some of these quotes are worth remembering on the days that feel hard.

As I said, I wouldn’t wish depression or anxiety on anyone, but in a way they’ve made me a better person. I understand emotions better. I show myself more compassion and patience, therefore, I believe I’m a more compassionate, patient and empathetic person now.

I don’t think it’s a coincidence either that many great leaders (Lincoln, Churchill), and creatives (Lady Gaga, Jim Carrey, Dolly Parton, J. K. Rowling and of course, Matt Haig, among others) have experienced depression and/or anxiety. Compassion and empathy are key traits to have in either of these fields, and their leadership and art help others who are vulnerable.

So, I guess I’m in great company!

The world is made up of all different types of people, who all experience emotion differently. I’m a sensitive soul and I’ve accepted that’s just a part of who I am. I think and feel deeply, and that can mean I experience some deep lows.

It also means that I feel the same intensity when it comes to happiness too. I’ve been lucky to have some amazing times in my life. So, rather than focus on the lows, now I remind myself that life is full of peaks and valleys, and something good will come next.

I also love that cliche quote, “This too shall pass.” It was one that I brought along to one of my early CBT sessions and discussed with my therapist. It’s something I remember when I feel bad because the dark clouds never last forever, but also something I try to remember during the good times too, so I that I appreciate happiness when it comes calling.

When I finally went back to the doctor to get treatment, it wasn’t because I was at my lowest point – I’d already passed that. It was because I was ready to accept that this was something I needed to set aside time and space to work through.

My issues weren’t going to go away on their own and I was going to have to put other aspects of my life on pause until I untangled the big ball of knots I had going on inside. It was difficult putting the brakes on, holding my hands up and admitting I couldn’t go forward anymore, but like the quote says – life didn’t go anywhere.

That time I spent back at my parents’ home, going to therapy and working through my problems was not wasted time. It was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made.  And sooner than expected, life popped back up and pushed me in a new direction.

This was the spark of hope I felt in my odd good moments during depression and anxiety, when that little bit of sun left in me peeked over the horizon. That little spark grew and now it’s an energy I try to keep with me all the time. Read. Write. Feel. Live.

Other Matt Haig Books

Matt Haig writes great novels and has follow-ups to Reasons to Stay Alive such as Notes on a Nervous Planet and The Comfort Book.

He’s also written a children’s book about mental health called The Truth Pixie.

According to his Instagram (which you should totally follow for daily inspo), Haig is also working on a book of quotes as well, so watch this space! Or you can peruse the Matt Haig website to learn more.

Resources

If you’re affected by any of the issues mentioned above, there are phone numbers, websites and organisations that can offer support and advice.

Here are just a few:

United Kingdom

• Help for suicidal thoughts (NHS and Samaritans)
• Mental Health Helplines (NHS)
• #MarkYourMan with Romesh and Rob (UK Male Mental Health Charity, CALM)

United States

• 1-800-273-8255 is the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
• Mental Health America
• MentalHealth.Gov

Rest of the World

The above two comprise the main readership of this blog, but if you live in a different country, then here is a list of suicide crisis lines all over the world.

And feel free to comment on this blog or message me personally.